Tuesday, 11 May 2010


I feel like blabbering a little so stay with me. My life has been exhausting. Really Millie is doing pretty dang good on this new round of chemo, but we are all DONE. She is defiantly hammered. If she does anything that exerts energy during the day then she immediately crashes after. Her blood counts are still up enough that technically she is fine to be in the Real World but I just want her home in bed.

Of course this week is full of activities that she doesn't want to miss so I am constantly going back and forth about what I should do. Should I keep her home from dance? Her concert is this week and she has been working so hard, if she doesn't practice she can't preform. Then again maybe she shouldn't preform since she'll be coming off her steroids. I am a little nervous she may get mad and start shoving the other girls off the stage. Not really of course, but I did have this image of her turning into the Hulk and going on a rampage.

Then she LOVES school. How can I keep her from school when she begs me to go and she'd miss her field trip. Of course I would never compromise her health and send her if it wasn't really OK, but it's hard.

Millie also has a Princess Ball tomorrow with HopeKids and she can't wait. It's about an hour drive there and back with a big dinner. Should I let her go? How am I suppose to know.

I feel like I have done a pretty good job of holding it together but this last week or so has been a nightmare for both Brady and I. Millie is so strong and even through all of these new drugs she is still basically an angel. I'm the one that's a disaster. If it wasn't for Brady and the Letters I think I would have been admitted to a mental institution this week. It's amazing how therapeutic all the mail coming in has been to me. Of course Millie is loving it, but I am astounded at the generosity of others. I want to do a post of Millie's Mail another day where I can tell you all about it, but I can tell you that on my most horrific days Millie got a package from Brady's friend Jesse and his wife Natalie. Natalie made the most darling headbands and Jesse wrote and recorded a song just for Millie. I also was surprised by a high school friend with a package for me. It was filled with fun bath stuff and a darling bracelet (thanks ashlie). I cried happy tears the rest of the day.

Brady is my saving grace. I don't' give him enough credit for everything he does for me and our family. He is so good about coming home when I need him, calming me down over the phone, or doing something as simple as emptying the dishwasher, which I hate doing. He knows I have been struggling so even though he was just has tired as I am he really made my Mother's Day the best ever.

My day started early Saturday morning. We decided to participate in Race For The Cure. I tear up just thinking about it. 1st of all I couldn't believe how many people were there. They estimated over 17,000 runners. Unbelievable. The atmosphere was so full of Hope. There was on woman in front of me that still had a bald head, she was holding a baby in one arm and a sign that said, "1 month remission" in the other. There were people supporting their loved ones that didn't make it, "We love you Kathy, We will never forget". It's something you would have to experience for yourself to truly grasp. It was so fun, people were joking (Yes they're FAKE, the REAL ONES tried to KILL me), people crying over the battles they won, people that were there just to be a part of the experience.

When the race started they played Mellisa Etheridge, I Run For Life. I started bawling. It was a completely overwhelming experience. (click on the link and please listen)

Sherry, Me, Brady

Me, Brady, Jeff, Nancy, Carly

Lindsay and Nicole
The race just began and already there were thousands of people in front of us an behind. We were somewhere lost in the middle.

The Finish Line with my sisters
I am so glad we did this. It seems that everyone knows someone who has been effects by breast cancer.
1 in 8 woman will get Breast Cancer.
When we got home from our race Brady has scheduled a massage for me. Sadly it was kind of a crappy one, but still thoughtful! He then spent the evening scrubbing all the floors on his hands and knees. Sunday I woke up to flowers, breakfast and presents. Millie made me the cutest thing in preschool. It's her hand prints and a poem that says,
You clean my prints from wall and door,
For I'm not careful when I play.
But here's a print you'll want to keep,
It's made for you this Mother's Day.
I'll keep it forever and maybe even put it in the Ceder Chest Brady got me for Mother's Day! I saw it in a consignment store in St. George and LOVED it. It's like none I've ever seen. When we pick it up I'll put up some pictures. After that we went to church. Millie sang in sacrament meeting with the other primary kids. She was adorable! Then we went to see Brady's mom and to meet up with my family at the park. It was a perfect weekend.
This picture makes me a little sad. You can feel how tired she is.
Happy Mother's Day!


Jesse C said...

Hang in there, and trust your instincts. We are all pulling for you.

lindsay Roscoe said...

I am glad your mothers day was good! The race is great! There is much to run/walk for!

Eisha said...

poor millie, we will bring out a package when we come visit (and PERSONALLY drop it off)...do you think it should be a surprise for millie? or should it be something to look forward too... so many options!

Danalisa said...

I am in AWE of you! Your strength is overwhelming! You are doing a great job and Millie is getting through this because of all your efforts on her behalf. =)

Jodi and Tony said...

Happy belated Mother's Day to an AMAZING mother. Millie is lucky to have you. Hang in there, I can only imagine how difficult things are for you. xoxo

The Church's said...

That is so cool that you did that race! It sounds like it was great! I am glad your mothers day was good! I don't know if I could handle all you are going through! Hang in there!

The Flamms said...

Isn't the race for the cure amazing. We participate in the relay for life in St. George every year with my family. You continue to be in our prayers.

Love ya