Austin turned 9 months

He is such a BIG boy. We love him to bits! I feel like he has changed a lot the last month. Austin is moving like crazy! He isn't crawling forward, but he manages. I think he could be crawling any day though, he is rocking back and forth on his knees.

Austin is clapping and waving, I have heard him say "hi" in his own baby way. We love our man and he loves us. I think he likes Millie the most though. He smiles all the time, but he doesn't really laugh. Millie is the only one that can get him going. Watch the clip below to see her in action. He also waves to Sherry in the end and says, "hi", but I was talking and I don't think you'll be able to hear it.

Austin's Beauty Queen Wave

Millie's Mail

I think I have been avoiding this post because I am not sure how to get across how I feel and I want all of you to know how much you mean to me. Having something to look forward to on a DAILY basis has been amazing. There are no words to express the gratitude I have for you taking time out of your lives to be a part of ours.
When we started this we were hoping to get a postcard or a small letter every day or so and it turned into massive amounts of mail. Some postcards, some pictures, some packages, lots of darling headbands, cards from our neighbors, lots of letters from family, dinosaur bones, messages from people we don't know, including emails from China. Melody, one of Brady's classmates from Oxford told her parents about us and they copied our post to their blog and translated it into Chinese, their family and friends email us all the time. I am astounded at the love and support we have received.
One of Brady's high school friends, Jesse wrote a one of a kind song just for Millie. The only thing he got from us was that she wants to be EVERYTHING when she grows up, and how all the colors are her favorite. From that, he got THIS.

(here are the lyrics if you want to read as you listen)

MILLIE

Close your eyes, think of what you'll be

And everywhere you'll go and what you'll see.

A cowgirl on the range, or an astronaut in space,

Or a mommy with a babe, or all of these.

Millie Millie no matter what you do

We'll be right by your side

To share it all with you.

Millie Millie look around you'll see

Nothing but faith and hope from friends and family.

You're gonna fight fight fight 'till the sun goes down

Fight fight fight for the whole year round

You're gone smile and hope and believe.

What is red if we have no green?

The blue without the orange means nothing.

The shadows violet haze

Cast from the burning golden rays.

How can you pick a favorite one

From all you've seen?

Millie Millie you'll always have a friend

Someone to pick you up and dust you off again.

Millie Millie look around you'll see

Nothing but faith and hope from friends and family.

Chorus

Tilt your head, look up to the sky

And in the starry night you'll see a satellite.

And you can touch it with your eyes,

And you can wish inside your heart,

And it will be your shooting star every night.

words and music by Jesse Crowley

Millie also received a special meditation that was made for her personally. Amelia calls it her "Millie Adventure". I met Stin when Brady and I went with The Rose Foundation about 7 years ago to help build schools in Guatemala, but Stin is one of Cousin Sherry's best buds. She is amazing and her voice is so soothing. Millie has to listen to her adventure at least twice every night. If you want to learn more about what Stin does check her out HERE.

Every little, tiny note Amelia has received has meant the world to all of us. I can't believe how blessed we are. You are all amazing and thank you for being a part of this. Amelia and Austin are everything and while Amelia is going through all this uncertainty the one thing she can count on is LOVE from you.

Thank you Thank you Thank you

SOME OF THE PLACES MILLIE HAS GOTTEN MAIL:

New Orleans, Cambodia, Dubai, Utah, Ireland, Finland, New York, The World Expo, Germany, Washington D.C., Australia, New Jersey, California, Ohio, Canada, London, Pennsylvania, Oxford, Indiana, Jordan, Thailand, Colorado, Arizona, Las Vegas, Illinois, Florida, Brighton, Connecticut, Texas, Massachusetts, Oregon, Singapore, and Paris

*If you haven't sent a letter and want to it's not too late. We hope that she will continue to receive them through the end of this phase of chemo, which is about another month. Of course we will welcome all mail as long as you are willing to send it!

Millie's Artwork

Millie has NEVER drawn on our walls before, I guess there is a 1st for everything...

Austin's Room

(on his BRAND NEW beadboard)

Our Room

Millie's bathroom

Amelia's room

It's smeared a little because she tried to clean it off herself. I have to admit that I was a little sad to have to clean it off.

Kitty, Austin, Millie (with hair she said), Brady, Amanda

She even signed her work.

We did get most of her drawings off the walls, but we will definitely have to repaint. :(

Amelia was suppose to start her 4 day infusions today, but sadly her ANC count was too low to continue with her chemo. We have been very blessed that we haven't had this happen before. Her nurse thinks her ANC was so low because she may be battling a small cold. All of her other blood counts were fine, but since the ANC was .1 we are stuck at the house this week. She is at an extremely high risk for infection. I really do feel lucky that we haven't had to put off her treatment before today, but I am a little depressed. Today was suppose to be the start of the end. She would have had two 4 day infusions and a week break and it would have been maintenance. Now we are looking at another month.

Please keep her in your prayers this week and let's hope she will be strong enough to continue on next Thursday!

May 17, 2003

Brady married me 7 years ago today. It's been a whirlwind ever since.

From Hawaii To The NICU, To The Coast Of Mexico And The Irish Sea. To Sleepless Nights And Steroids, Lake Powell And The Ranch. From The Hospital And Back And There Again The Next Day. From Italy and Paris. To Guatemala And Vegas And Home, Where Ever That Might Be. To The Couch And TV, Add In Some Cold Stone Creamery And I'll Be Happy. To Jazz Games And Football, And Rugby In England. From Stone Henge And Holland, To Spit Up, And Arguing, You'll Always Keep Me. Our Life Has Been Full. With Babies, Surprises and Tragedy. No Matter What Comes,

I love you I love you I love

Dancing Queen

Amelia's recital was last night. The girls were adorable! There was only 1 that new the whole dance. Sadly their music wasn't very good for little ones, so I think it was hard for them to follow along. It was still cute and seriously funny. Millie was SO happy though, she loves preforming on the BIG stage. She may not have known the dance very well, but she did have a giant smile on her face the whole time. She was darling.

I asked her to do a pose from her dance and this is what she came up with. Not really sure what's she's doing, but she's cute.

I love that her round cheeks are back. Thank you steroids, other then killing her Leukemia it's the only thing you're good for.
A proud grandma

My Silly Billy

Got to love the head tilt. It's her favorite way to pose for pictures.

Up on Stage

We did video tape her preformace, if Brady gets a chance I'll have him post it later.

Fit For A Princess

Her royal Highness attended a Princess Ball last night hosted by HopeKids.

She had an amazing evening. ALL the princess were there and Millie couldn't have been more thrilled. They did her makeup, took pictures, ate dinner, Cinderella read stories, there was a jester, dancing, and gifts.

Utah's Channel 4 and 13 news was there and there is a big picture of Princess Millie in the Desert News Paper today. You can see it online as well here. Click on "2 photos" above the picture of the girls twirling and then Millie's will pop up.

I just want to say thank you to all of the people who helped put on this Royal Occasion. It was an amazing night for all of the kids. It's so fun to see these little ones light up. They deserve it!

Getting Pampered
Admiring her makeup

The Jester Entertaining his Royal Court

And of Course the Princesses

The Ball was ALL Cinderella's idea! Isn't she great.

On a side note:

Many of you have asked how you can help us, one way is to support HopeKids by attending their fundraising dinner on May 22. Sign up HERE.

Brady and I will be attending with some of our family and we hope to see you there! We Love everything HopeKids stands for and it's a great program to support.

email me if you have any questions: amandaflamm@hotmail.com

Race

I feel like blabbering a little so stay with me. My life has been exhausting. Really Millie is doing pretty dang good on this new round of chemo, but we are all DONE. She is defiantly hammered. If she does anything that exerts energy during the day then she immediately crashes after. Her blood counts are still up enough that technically she is fine to be in the Real World but I just want her home in bed.

Of course this week is full of activities that she doesn't want to miss so I am constantly going back and forth about what I should do. Should I keep her home from dance? Her concert is this week and she has been working so hard, if she doesn't practice she can't preform. Then again maybe she shouldn't preform since she'll be coming off her steroids. I am a little nervous she may get mad and start shoving the other girls off the stage. Not really of course, but I did have this image of her turning into the Hulk and going on a rampage.

Then she LOVES school. How can I keep her from school when she begs me to go and she'd miss her field trip. Of course I would never compromise her health and send her if it wasn't really OK, but it's hard.

Millie also has a Princess Ball tomorrow with HopeKids and she can't wait. It's about an hour drive there and back with a big dinner. Should I let her go? How am I suppose to know.

I feel like I have done a pretty good job of holding it together but this last week or so has been a nightmare for both Brady and I. Millie is so strong and even through all of these new drugs she is still basically an angel. I'm the one that's a disaster. If it wasn't for Brady and the Letters I think I would have been admitted to a mental institution this week. It's amazing how therapeutic all the mail coming in has been to me. Of course Millie is loving it, but I am astounded at the generosity of others. I want to do a post of Millie's Mail another day where I can tell you all about it, but I can tell you that on my most horrific days Millie got a package from Brady's friend Jesse and his wife Natalie. Natalie made the most darling headbands and Jesse wrote and recorded a song just for Millie. I also was surprised by a high school friend with a package for me. It was filled with fun bath stuff and a darling bracelet (thanks ashlie). I cried happy tears the rest of the day.

Brady is my saving grace. I don't' give him enough credit for everything he does for me and our family. He is so good about coming home when I need him, calming me down over the phone, or doing something as simple as emptying the dishwasher, which I hate doing. He knows I have been struggling so even though he was just has tired as I am he really made my Mother's Day the best ever.

My day started early Saturday morning. We decided to participate in Race For The Cure. I tear up just thinking about it. 1st of all I couldn't believe how many people were there. They estimated over 17,000 runners. Unbelievable. The atmosphere was so full of Hope. There was on woman in front of me that still had a bald head, she was holding a baby in one arm and a sign that said, "1 month remission" in the other. There were people supporting their loved ones that didn't make it, "We love you Kathy, We will never forget". It's something you would have to experience for yourself to truly grasp. It was so fun, people were joking (Yes they're FAKE, the REAL ONES tried to KILL me), people crying over the battles they won, people that were there just to be a part of the experience.

When the race started they played Mellisa Etheridge, I Run For Life. I started bawling. It was a completely overwhelming experience. (click on the link and please listen)

Sherry, Me, Brady

Me, Brady, Jeff, Nancy, Carly

Lindsay and Nicole

The race just began and already there were thousands of people in front of us an behind. We were somewhere lost in the middle.

The Finish Line with my sisters

I am so glad we did this. It seems that everyone knows someone who has been effects by breast cancer.

1 in 8 woman will get Breast Cancer.

When we got home from our race Brady has scheduled a massage for me. Sadly it was kind of a crappy one, but still thoughtful! He then spent the evening scrubbing all the floors on his hands and knees. Sunday I woke up to flowers, breakfast and presents. Millie made me the cutest thing in preschool. It's her hand prints and a poem that says,

You clean my prints from wall and door,

For I'm not careful when I play.

But here's a print you'll want to keep,

It's made for you this Mother's Day.

I'll keep it forever and maybe even put it in the Ceder Chest Brady got me for Mother's Day! I saw it in a consignment store in St. George and LOVED it. It's like none I've ever seen. When we pick it up I'll put up some pictures. After that we went to church. Millie sang in sacrament meeting with the other primary kids. She was adorable! Then we went to see Brady's mom and to meet up with my family at the park. It was a perfect weekend.

This picture makes me a little sad. You can feel how tired she is.

Happy Mother's Day!