Saturday, 28 September 2013

Happy Birthday Millie!


Today is your 8th birthday.  We missed you more than ever today, but we made it through the day by spending time with our family, attending Jager's baptism, taking Austin to see Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2 (which you would have really enjoyed - your laugh would have filled the theater!), being showered with gestures of love by friends, family, and neighbors, and feeling you close by us during this special day.

They say that time heals all wounds.  I hope this is true.  We made it through the first month or two smoother than I would have expected.  We felt comforted during your transition and that comfort made us feel like everything would be OK.  As time moves on and your bedroom sits empty we miss you more with each passing day.

Your mom and I constantly say to each other, "Millie would have loved this."  It is a conflicting feeling to have fun with Austin and enjoy the moment, while at the same time wishing that you were sharing it with us.  The interesting thing that we are realizing is that you loved just about everything.  You loved life, and your time battling cancer made you appreciate anything good that happened and you enjoyed the small things more than anyone I have ever met.  I know you would have loved to be there for all the things we did today, but I know that your mission on this earth has been completed and I know you and know that you are enjoying whatever you are doing.  I only wish that I could see the wonderful things that you are up to.

I know you are proud of your brother.  He has started school and he loves it.  Mom has convinced him that he should be a gentleman and he is always very proud to hold doors open for people.  He misses you so much.  He spends an hour or so every day watching the video that Pat made for the funeral.  It doesn't make him sad.  He smiles and laughs as he sees all your pictures, and gets a little embarrassed by the pictures of you dressing him up like a fairy or princess when he was younger.

I wish I had more time with you, but I am so grateful for the time I had.  I'm grateful that you lived a happy life for three and a half years after your original diagnosis.  We made so many amazing memories during that time, and it was thanks to an amazing medical team at Primary Children's Medical Center, as well as the fantastic team that took care of you at the Children's Hospital of Colorado, as well as the encouragement and advice we received from the team at MD Anderson.

We wanted your birthday to be a celebration of your legacy, not a day of mourning, and it was.  You always chose to be happy, and we do our best to make that same decision every day.

I love you and miss you dearly,


Friday, 13 September 2013

Millie's BFF, Princess Cami

Millie's Princess Foundation and I would like to introduce you to

 Princess Cami 

aka Millie's Rock, her BFF, and her Cancer Buddy

I don’t know where to start…
I have so much love for Princess Cami  and I know you will too.  Cami made my Millie’s life as normal as it could be. She helped Millie feel like she wasn’t alone. When Cami came to visit, the IV poles, tubes sticking out of her body, and the bald head all disappeared. When Cami came there were only smiles and giggles, nothing else mattered. Cami had the same cancer Millie had so she had somewhat of idea of what Millie was going through.  Sadly right after we buried our beautiful, baby girl, Cami’s cancer returned. Now she knows exactly what Millie was going through. This incredible, little lady knew cancer was nasty before, but now she knows the shocking truth as she just witnessed it take her best friend. Sweet Cami even stood up at 7 years old and spoke at Millie’s funeral.  We were heartbroken to hear the news and knew that we wanted to step up and help this beautiful family. We are so grateful for all you've done for our family, and I'm not in a position to ask for anything, but we'd appreciate any support you can give Cami and her amazing family.

Here's the link for the fundraiser that Millie's Princess Foundation is holding for Cami. If nothing else, go watch the short video of these two little fighters journey together. 

We love you Princess Cami.

Saturday, 17 August 2013

Don't Miss It.....

Cameron Rafati performing TONIGHT, the details are in the short YouTube clip.

Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Last Day for Millie's Outfit

Today is the last day to purchase Millie's One and Only clothing line. We are extremely grateful to Persnickety Clothing for helping Millie's deepest desires to come true. We are honored that they are donating ALL proceeds to Millie's Princess Foundation. We feel so blessed and loved. Our family can't wait to see Millie's creations running around town. Thank you for everything! We are so blessed to have such an incredible support system in every single one of you.

If you are interested in purchasing Millie's outfit you can go HERE

Thursday, 25 July 2013

Dreams Continue to Come True for Millie

Another dream for Millie came true today. Thank you Persnickety for making her a fashion designer!!!

To Read Her Story Go HERE

Thursday, 18 July 2013

One Month

It has been a while.  Two and a half months ago I wrote most of a very long blog post to catch us up.  I'll have to finish it and get it up soon, but I didn't want to let today pass without writing something.  This is probably more for my sake than anything, but feel like sharing tonight.

Dear Millie,

A month ago you were freed from your pain.  I miss you more each day but I am happy for you.

In December we learned that it was not likely you would survive.  In February we were told you were out of options.  We all refused to quit and fought on.  When bad news came it was very hard on your mom and me.  I felt like I had failed you.  I felt that if I was unable to protect you from this that I wasn't good for anything.  I was heartbroken.  We never gave up hope and knew you were capable of miracles, and you showed us many.

I know you did everything you could, and I know your mom and I did everything we could.

During those hard months I mourned your loss.  On May 17th, two months and one day from today - our 10 year anniversary, we learned that there were no more options, and this time there was absolutely nothing we could do about it.  What a bittersweet thing it was to hold you and love you, knowing that your time was limited, but protecting you from the pain of worrying about it.  I am so grateful I got those extra months with you.

Those were not easy months for any of us, but they were especially tough for you.  I know that those extra months were for your mom and me.  I know that we needed the time to accept that this was what was best for you.  You didn't complain much, but I can imagine how hard those months were for you.

You were too little to truly understand how brave you were or how many people you inspired.  I wish I could have explained it to you, and I certainly tried.

I will never forget one of the last things you said the night before you left this life.  I left the room in tears, horrified that I had to watch you suffer and that I had to let you go.  You turned to your mom and said "tell dad to think of his brave Millie."

I miss you terribly, but I have not mourned your loss this past month.  You suffered enough.  I love you too much to wish you were still here suffering.  I need you here with me, but I know that God did what was best for you.  All I ever wanted was what was best for you, and if living the rest of this life without you is what is best for you, then I will not complain.  I will be brave for you.

We have tried to serve others in your name.  This year's Millie's Princess Run was amazing.  I can't believe how many people helped, and know you were proud.  We are not done.  We have big plans for how to help others.  I feel you close to me when I help others - frankly my desire to serve may be a bit selfish at this point.

I must have told you this hundreds of times but I will say it again.  You are my hero.  I am so proud to be your dad, and I hope I can be a better person so that when we meet again you will be proud of me too.