Poor Me

I have been feeling so down the last couple days. Millie cries and then I cry. Someone can say basically anything and I take offense. I am so on edge right now. Last week SUCKED (I can hear Millie in my head telling me that's not a nice word) so why do I have balled up tissues everywhere this week. Shouldn't I be feeling better? Things are looking up, right? I'm so frustrated with this Maintenance stuff. Everyone says it's so easy. I don't think it's easy. Millie still has dark circles under her eyes from all the drugs, her skin was grey all weekend, she whined about everything. Sure her hair is growing back and she was able to play, but she's still being pumped full of drugs and exhausted. I'm exhausted. I can't keep my house clean, I have laundry all over the place; clean, dirty, folded, doesn't matter, it's everywhere. I'm overwhelmed and I don't really think I should be.
Now I'm going to cry again, Austin has been playing in the toilet and of course Millie hasn't flushed. Now I'm going to be late to my hair appointment since i have to clean him up. YUCK!

Who Loves Sparklers?

ME!

Millie making a "FLOOP," aka loop as the rest of us call it.

i LOVE her.

Shhhhhhhhhhhh

Don't tell on me, I'm suppose to be out working in the yard but I have just about had enough of that. Yesterday we spent the whole day painting our shed to match our also newly painted deck (it looks sooooo much better). Then we started recovering our kitchen chairs, but it's going to take awhile since we can't do it when Austin's awake. Babies and electric staple guns don't go well together. We also went swimming last minute at Cottonwood Heights Recreation Center. Both the kiddos LOVED it and we topped the evening off with a yummy snow cone.

We Love To Swim

Today's goal: WEED! Our gardens have gotten out of control. I'm not much of an gardener. I don't mind getting down and dirty for about a half hour and then I'm spent. We were suppose to be up in Wyoming enjoying the 24th of July holiday, but we were banned from the ranch since Austin was sick. Okay, so we weren't really banned, but we didn't want to put the cousins at risk. No one wants to get Hand Foot and Mouth Disease! We've actually been lucky. Austin hasn't been too bad at all and I have heard some pretty good horror stories.

We are also trying to finish hanging our living room curtains, Austin's curtains, and replace Millie's curtain rod. They are waking up WAY TOO EARLY and I think it's because of the light coming in. I must do something about it before I pull my hair out. I love my bugs but I like them a little more when it's not 5:30 in the morning.

Let's talk about MILLIE!

(I'm growing and so is my hair)

She is looking fab. Her counts were all good. She had her 2nd dose of Vincristine so here's to hoping her hair stays around since it's growing back again. She has done so well being a baldie, but I do think it would be devastating to her to lose it again. She also is back on the steroids for 5 days and it's shocking to me how much of a side effect we see. Millie is so over the top with her emotions, Anything and Everything can make her cry. Sometimes it's hard not to get upset with her when she's been ridiculous. I feel like such a horrible mom for not being more supportive at times.
What else happened... well I found out I wasn't giving her enough Methotrexate. Not sure how I messed that one up. She only takes it on Thursdays and she is suppose to take 5, 2.5mg pills. I was only giving her 1. I know we did it right the 1st week because I remember thinking, "wow, that's a lot of pills," somewhere during weeks 2 and 3 I just slipped. We are back on track now but I feel horrible. Who messes up their daughters chemo? I do! Oops!

I also decided that I am going to keep track of her height and weight at every month appointment. I think it will be fun for us to look back on. I wish I had done it the whole time. When she was 1st on her steroids she gained a 1/3 of her body weight in 2 weeks. I wish I had a record of that. I also am going to try and put a picture of her up every Sunday in the same place so we can watch her hair change. I think it will be fun for her to actually see that there is a difference.

We read this quote every time we walk in and out of Primary Children's Hospital

" The Child First and Always"

we are lucky to be surrounded by so many wonderful nurses and doctors.

Clinic: July 22, 2010
Height: 103.0 cm
Weight: 15.4 kg

Viva Las Vegas

Brady's Coworker Jerry decided that after this RIDICULOUS year we have had that we needed a weekend away and that we should head to Vegas. We kept telling him no, that it was too much but after Brady passed out in Denver and broke all his teeth Jerry was pretty insistent. We decided to take him up on his offer and off we went.

We got there Saturday morning and since we couldn't check-in yet we caught the bus and hit up H&M. I got Millie and Austin some really fun things. They always have the cutest kids clothes. After that we chilled in the hotel until going to see The Mentalist and to dinner at our favorite place. I don't know what it's called but they have the BEST Risotto ever. So YUMMY! I would go to Vegas just to eat it.

Sunday we slept in till 10:30, it was AMAZING! Just what the doctor ordered. Then we went to Denny's for some breakfast. After resting a little more we hit the pool. It was beautiful and the perfect way to cool down. Vegas is dang HOT! That night we walked around the strip, catch a movie (Inception, it was awesome) and ate dinner at HardRock.

Hardrock Cafe

(I was craving fajitas-yum)
Brady and I both look like we had a little too much to drink...


Now it's my turn...
Okay we're cute after all

Our GIANT tub

It was around 113 degrees and this psycho was running. NO THANKS!

Brady's pirate face

We had to wake up at 4:00am to make our flight home. I am not a morning person.

A HUGE thank you to Jerry for a fabulous weekend. I don't think we realized how badly we needed the break. You're too kind.

Thank you to Nancy and Lindsay for watching the kids for us. Poor Austin got sick while we were gone, he wasn't a happy camper. Brady also came home to his golf clubs being stolen. :(

We had an amazing weekend and although this has been an extremely tough week I am so glad we had the opportunity to have a weekend to ourselves.

Millie had clinic today, I'm still waiting to hear about her blood counts so I'll blog about her tomorrow.

Sir Paul

Brady and I were SO LUCKY to be able to attend the Paul McCartny Concert. It was OUTSTANDING! There was no opening band, just Sir Paul for 3 hours straight. It was amazing. We are so grateful to Jeff and Nancy (Brady's parents) for giving us their suite tickets. It was a great night.

THANKS GUYS!

The guitar his is using in the picture above was the orginal guitar he played with in the 60's.

So Cool

Bald and Beautiful

Although you are seeing Austin's face these pictures are really about Millie. I have been wanting to get some professional pictures done of her shiny head so I can remember how stunning she is. I have never seen a more beautiful little girl in my life. As I was looking at different photographers I realized paying for pictures right now may not be the best idea, but Cousin Sherry, Aunt Sherry, Grandma Ellsworth, and Krissy surprised me with an AMAZING gift. A session with Peekaboo Photography.

SO FUN!

Mr. Austin was able to have a few done of him as well and I am so pleased with his pictures.

Love those BABY BLUES.

My FAVORITE of the whole bunch.

I am in LOVE with the shots of both Austin and Millie.

Miss Millie was being a NUT during her pictures. I really think that Peekaboo captured her personality perfectly. I love my crazy girl and I can't help but smile when I look at her shots. I will treasure them for the rest of my life and I know that she will too.

They are Bright and Happy, just like her.

Doesn't she look like she's up to something...

Just a few outside, it was VERY windy, although you'd never know it since she doesn't have hair.

The pictures uploaded out of order and these were some of her 1st shots. She was calm at the time, but it only took a minutes for her to turn into the SPITFIRE that she is.

Thank you so much for these memories. They are PRICELESS.

Proud To Be An American

We attended Stadium Of Fire at BYU for the 1st time. It was truly amazing! I'm not a huge country fan, but I do love me some Carrie Underwood and she ROCKED.

My favorite part was not the concert or the fireworks, although both were incredible. It was when the Vets took turns standing up from the rest of the enormous crowd and honored their specific military branch they had served in. You could feel the patriotism in the stadium and I cried like a baby watching the young and old stand for their country.

Thank you to all of those men and women who have served for our country, and kept our home a place for FREEDOM.

I didn't know that Millie knew The Pledge Of Allegiance. I am so sad I didn't get all of it recorded. It was adorable.

Me and My Miss

Silly Millie, McKay, Ellie

The kiddos were darling. Cousin Sherry brought them all glow brackets and it was a HUGE hit. I don't think we would have survived the night without them. Sherry also made Millie's darling headband! Cute Ellie had a matching one as well, aren't they the cutest!